Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Summer's coming

If you are feeling perverse and want to test your marriage, do this:

Have one spouse go onto the Internet to buy a new air conditioner. When it is delivered, install it.  It's too small. Also dented. Pack it up again and send it back to Amazon.

Once the refund clears, double check all measurements and  have the other spouse go out and buy an air conditioner in person from an appliance store. Make it the Rolls Royce of air conditioners. Have it delivered and installed when the temperature is above 90'F indoors. It is too big, by a quarter inch, not listed on the specs for the unit. The delivery men pack it back up and remove it. You tip them and apologize. You have words on the phone with the salesperson.

Now, for the ultimate test, on the very same day, have the first spouse go back out in the evening and purchase a third air conditioner, bring it home in a yellow cab, carry it up four flights of stairs, unpack it and find that it, too, is dented.  Install it anyway. This takes longer than you might anticipate. The spouse is tired and has sore arms.

If, by morning, you find yourself in the same bed with the same spouse, there is nothing more in life that can test that bond. Nothing.

Remember to mop up the blood and send gifts to the neighbors and donuts to the responding precinct.
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