Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Summer's coming

If you are feeling perverse and want to test your marriage, do this:

Have one spouse go onto the Internet to buy a new air conditioner. When it is delivered, install it.  It's too small. Also dented. Pack it up again and send it back to Amazon.

Once the refund clears, double check all measurements and  have the other spouse go out and buy an air conditioner in person from an appliance store. Make it the Rolls Royce of air conditioners. Have it delivered and installed when the temperature is above 90'F indoors. It is too big, by a quarter inch, not listed on the specs for the unit. The delivery men pack it back up and remove it. You tip them and apologize. You have words on the phone with the salesperson.

Now, for the ultimate test, on the very same day, have the first spouse go back out in the evening and purchase a third air conditioner, bring it home in a yellow cab, carry it up four flights of stairs, unpack it and find that it, too, is dented.  Install it anyway. This takes longer than you might anticipate. The spouse is tired and has sore arms.

If, by morning, you find yourself in the same bed with the same spouse, there is nothing more in life that can test that bond. Nothing.

Remember to mop up the blood and send gifts to the neighbors and donuts to the responding precinct.


  1. How is it you don't already have an air conditioner? It is not possible to live in NYC without one...pray tell?

  2. Ms Hound - indeed.

    Ladyflyfish - The operative word is "new." :-) We had one. It was about ten years old.

  3. Hahaha!! We're still waiting for our new AC to arrive. It's been an uncomfy couple of nights.

  4. Avoid playing the lottery, betting on horses or anything similar on days like this.

  5. Ho Ho, how about going online and thinking you've got all the size and information correct, order and wait for the delivery, hire two wonderful contractor guys to schlep it up to the fifth floor, get it unpacked and find out you purchased a "through the wall" version. Ugh. Then go back, call up Sears and happily find out there is a window sleeve to buy that fits the window and the unit. Order it. Wait for the delivery. Get the guys back. Schlep that up 5 flights and find out it actually doesn't. But great guys they are, they constructed a whole whatever to make it work. So much for price shopping

  6. Too bad you can't clone Vince and send him here to North Carolina. He is a jewel!

  7. I'm glad you have a dented, working AC. After came a
    cold stiff drink.

  8. Yes I believe we broke up last Sunday for about 5 minutes. Then we got in an airconditioned car(not ours) and remembered why we loved each other.

    Unfortunately we had to get out again.

    They're still in the attic, may I add.

    We're playing with fire here.

    xo Jane

  9. how many spouses do you have, marie?

  10. Oh Marie. I feel your pain (heat). This past weekend the city of New Orleans hit 101 and stupid house/cat sitter just up and left when our A/C quit! Thank God the spouse had to return a day early!


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