Thursday, March 11, 2010

Public Service Announcement

Taking the dogs to the beach is a lot of fun bar one major drawback.

Dog poo.

I take bags to scoop, and I scoop 4-5 times. It ain't fun. Then we take the bags away with us and deposit them somewhere more acceptable, like a trashcan. Which of course leads to the wrist-sawing discussion of rubbish disposal and the mess the world is in.

But let's stay focused, shall we?

South Africans don't scoop dog poop. Dogs defecate wherever they go. And there it stays. It's horrible. It's barbaric. Swinish. I would like it to stop.

There is one place in Cape Town where I have seen actual Poo Bins - at the penguin colony at Boulders. It is part of Table Mountain National Park, so SAN Parks or Cape Nature must have put in the bins, below.

I'd like more!

I grumble about dog owners in NYC, which is no place for a dog, but they are well trained. They poop, they scoop. Well, 95% of them anyway.

So I was talking to Ben the Black Lab about this the other day, as he is by far the most prolific in his deposits. He considered it for a few minutes, before coming back at me with this.

(Now, Ben's voice, it is helpful to know, is deep, a bass, and he speaks very slowly in a slightly I-might-sound-slow-in-the-head-but-I-mean-well-and am-insightful kind of way. He also has a very thick Afrikaans accent. His full name is Ben Viljoen, who was a brave and disillusioned Boer general in our war with the English early last century - he was a fascinating man. He settled in Mexico. Pic from Wikipedia, he is seated.)

Back to Ben the Black Lab:

I quote, in earnest and ponderous rap:

dogs are great
a congenial species
but the problem with dogs is
they leave a lot of faeces.

this is disgusting
there's no denying that
but if you won't scoop the poop
buy a pussy cat

shovel your sh*t
pick up your poo
don't leave it on the beach:
it's doggy-doo

when the waves wash up

it'll go in the drink
so put it in the bag
or it will stink.

the fish don't like it
the birds are not foul
if you don't want to touch it,
take a *!#*ing trowel!



  1. Ah yes, the horror.......... Remember the pre-plastic bag days, when gutter-training your dog was all that was expected?

    As a very squeamish person, I used to say that I wouldn't have a dog because the idea of picking up warm poo was too awful to contemplate. Then I inherited a (small) dog.

    Ikea dog bags are the best, I reckon - they come halfway up your arm, are strong and opaque, and if you use them in conjunction with a piece of paper towel, you don't notice the warmth so much.

    I can also hold my breath during the whole scooping/bag-knotting process, and I'm fast, so the risk of retching is minimal.

    But I do worry about the people who sort the bin waste once it reached the council's depot. That occupation is up there with being a pet food taster....

  2. Amen to Ben ....and rachel...

    a good reason not to get a dog....

    hahhah ... the word verification word is ...trail.... let's hope it's clear of poo....bear, dog and otherwise....

  3. Alaskans (with few exceptions) don't scoop the poo either. It smells like dookie when the snow melts in spring and all the feces is uncovered on the roadsides.

    Christine B.

  4. Good rap, Ben. I'm surprised your diving skills were not mentionned...

  5. Our Food Person is back from her trip and she will(being a big-mouth) have something to say later.
    But Sporran and I are with you, Ben.

    (For a Black Dog, you seem pretty cool.)


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