Sometimes, this is as good as a day gets.
Sometimes, it's as good as a year gets. And that is not a bad thing.
If I could lift one good thing from this difficult 2014 it would be sourdough bread - the baking of, the satisfaction of, the good smell of, the chewiness of, the chestnut-honey-dropping-through-the-holes of. I made the first loaf in many months last night. The nights are cool enough to turn the oven up full blast, now.
I am very glad I can cook. I am glad I enjoy eating. I am glad people taught me how to make a table welcoming. As superficial as these acts of pleasure are, sometimes they feel like they are the only real things I can rescue from life. Along with gardening, or creating of any kind, for that matter. Life is horrible, and hard and I have no idea why people keep making more people, to perpetuate the whole damn mess. Someone once wrote that my book has no darkness in it. I had to laugh. Sadly. Because it is all about darkness. All the gardening, the cooking, the foraging, the flowers. My light sabers, swung and sliced at the darkness.
I'm not sinking into the abyss. Don't fret. It's inside me, always has been, always will be.
The most important question is: do I make mushrooms à la Grecque tonight, to eat with what we have managed not to consume of the wonderful bread, or a mushroom soufflé ?
Soufflés are powerful light sabers, too. They defy the abyss. Its the air in the egg whites.
What would the Frenchman like better?
I know, all too well of the darkness inside. Your words always touch me Marie, and yes, life is hard.
ReplyDeleteBut, it is also full of miracles and countless other people who want to know that they are not alone.
You accomplish that with such grace and beauty, that it seems almost effortless. You make me feel, not alone. My the force be with you dear.
My "light sabers" sustain me, too. You've put into words what I feel about all the small, simple pleasures that I have created in my life that give me the feeling that my life has some purpose to it all (maybe it's all illusion, but it works - most times). And yes, your words do make me feel less alone with it all....thank you, Marie and hang in there.
Delete-Beth
You are the light in so many people's lives, your daily posts and pics.......you touch so many people.....in so many ways.....good cook, good wife, lovely cat mum, and the generosity sharing your daily life with readers.......the bread is the last great thing you do (but it's still a good thing!). October is a strange month for so many with the early darkness and I am always hungry and my hair falls out.......xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you, Stace. x
DeletePerhaps you are growing a winter coat?
Mmm, dark gives the light its character, and a loaf of bread is best when autobiographical.
ReplyDeleteThank you. You so often express thoughts I am feeling at time that it is uncanny. Life can be so difficult, but one reason I read your blog every day, without fail, is that it nearly always offers something that rises above the darkness. You, the Frenchman, the cat, the patio and all the lovely food -- not to mention other commentary -- well, it's all special.
ReplyDeleteBest to Storbie,
Mary
Ditto all of the above. You help us all live a fuller, more peaceful life. Definitely mushroom souffle!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Today was a sad day in sunny SA (again). We picked flowers on our walk and had a pretty, simple, love-filled dinner.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened, Rosie? x
DeleteI suppose the great trick is to know just how much leavening (darkness) is needed to make that souffle (life) light.
ReplyDeleteThe darkness is in me too. It ebbs and flows like the tides but is always present. I am lucky I have a light, creative spirit to use as balance, sometimes successfully. Bravo Marie, your spirit is held high for all to see x
ReplyDeleteHierdie is 'n baie profound post. En is presies hoe ek oor die lewe voel.
ReplyDelete